Authenticity, Vulnerability and A Golden Life
I spent the day wondering about my sense of authenticity. My collective vulnerability, my polished identity. And it made me feel like a total fraud. When it comes right down to it, I am not any of the things that other people think they see on the other side of the computer screen.
I like angry storms.
I spend an absurd amount of time worrying about what other people think of me.
My biggest challenge in life is letting go of people, even if they hurt me.
I feel like I have failed as a daughter.
I am insanely conscious of my smile.
I feel like I am an easy person to walk away from in life....and it haunts me every single day.
I almost always operate under the assumption that I care more about everyone else than they do about me.
I pretty much feel like a terrible mother, all of the time.
I hate emptying the dishwasher
Every day I'm afraid that Jim will wake up and finally realize just how much crazy he has partnered with.
I thank God every day that he doesn't.
I want to write a book so badly it hurts. But I'm afraid of people telling me that my life was never worth telling.
I struggle, every day, with wondering if I am really ENOUGH. Smart enough, talented enough, funny enough, good enough.
And I cry, a lot.
An amazing thing happens when you get honest with yourself and start doing what makes you happy. Your life literally slows down. You stop wishing for weekends. You merely stop looking forward to special events. You begin to live in each moment and you start feeling like a human being. You just ride the wave that is life with an incredible feeling of joy and contentment. You move fluidly, steadily, calmly and with great gratitude. A dark veil is lifted and a whole new perspective about yourself and truly living your life is suddenly born.
Hey sisters, I've got life scars. But scars tell stories. Scars mean survival. Scars mean I showed up for the fight rather than running from it. And we've all got them. And maybe its not about collecting gold stars for the perceived reality we give the world on Facebook....but it's about the purple hearts we get for living bravely among the real world. Because life requires guts, it requires courage and bravery and life requires vulnerability. So wear your scars proudly and carry on, dear sisters. You are not alone in this battle and none of the scars make our lives any less GOLDEN!